Fly Atas Jalan

Fly Atas Jalan

Posted by Adibah Latif on November 15, 2019 in

I'll mark this date (1st Oct. 2019 | around 10pm)

This will be just a short and simple entry. Just to write about my second time experiencing an accident but this time with mild bleeding. Itulah orang dah pesan, bawa motor jangan mengelamun. Entah apa lah yang diba fikir masa kejadian haritu pun tak tahu. Sekelip mata je jadi, sedar sedar dah tergolek hahaha. Last time jatuh motor sebab nak elak terlanggar kereta yang buat u-turn tiba-tiba and this time jatuh motor sebab nak elak terlanggar lubang, lols. Tapi masa first time jatuh motor dulu serious sikit luka pun tak ada, maybe sebab landing atas rumput. Nasib baik tak tergolek masuk parit, dah la ada orang tengok masatu malu ya rabbi hahaha kalini dapat habuan laa. Tergolek kat tengah jalan macam drama hindutan tu 😂 Lepsastu ada sorang pakcik ni tolong. Pakcik ni paksa nak teman pi klinik tapi serious masatu tak terasa sakit mcm ada luka pun sebab tak nampak ada darah, baju tak terkoyak langsung cuma seluar je terkoyak sikit kat lutut. So, diba pun ingat takda laa darah darah ni semua. Bila pakcik ni desak suruh pi klinik, diba pun apa lagi.. cakap thank you sebab tolong, start motor terus jalan. Oh sebelum start motor tu check lampu motor, signal kiri kanan dulu bahahaha (sumpah bila ingat balik aku rasa kepala otak aku shot kot masatu, buang tebiat dok check lampu segala bagai hahahaha)

Dari kecik punya takut badan ada parut, punya jaga laa kan and sekarang kena terima hakikat yang siku dgn lutut dah ada parut, errrr! Apa-apa pun bersyukur sebab masih selamat and accident tak teruk. Paling rasa bersyukur sebab masa kejadian tu tak ada kereta lalu dari belakang. Hm, tak boleh nak imagine mcm mana kalau ada kereta masatu, fuhh. Selalunya laluan tu kereta paling banyak sebab laluan utama nk masuk Federal highway. Tapi sampai ke harini masih tak pasti sebab utama boleh jatuh selain nak elak langgar lubang tu. Baru 5 minit keluar dari kawasan rumah, takkan dah mengelamun? Tapi kalau tak mengelamun takkan tak perasan awal lubang tu? bukannya bawa laju pun masatu, dalam 50km/h je kut. Jarang ye diba tak alert atas jalan. Em, apa apa jelah. Benda kalau nak jadi, elak mcm mana pun tetap jadi kan. Yang penting dah selamat and luka pun dah kering tapii gerammm betul tengok parut ni. Bila ye nak hilang?? Sedihnya la tengok parut parut ni. Hopefully boleh recover cepat, ameen. Hati-hati ye awak awak semua. Okk bye 👋👋

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Nota Dari Hati #Part4

Nota Dari Hati #Part4

Posted by Adibah Latif on October 22, 2019 in

Dear Diary,

That moment when you burst out crying alone in your room and then you realize that no one truly knows how unhappy you are right now because you don't want anyone to know. Yes, I admit that I used to hide every inch of my personal matter from everybody nowadays includes my close friends. I showed part of it but when they started to ask me, I'll remain silent. I feel so suck about my life but I have no choice than to live it. I need someone to motivate me, someone who believes in my abilities in whatever I do, someone to share my non-stop weird thoughts, someone to hear my bullshit rants, someone to cheer me up and makes me happy just like before. How I wish that "Someone" I mean here is you, Farhan. 

My Love, I miss you so badly, I miss the time when I actually meant something to you, I miss the nights when we used to stay up and just talk about everything, I miss the way you treat me which nobody has ever beat that. You have set a high benchmark for soulmate criteria in my life. This is why I hardly to forget you. You don't know how bad it hurts when you ignore me. Yes, I for once did mention not to reply to me but in the other way round there is a big hope that you will respond to my text. It is the worst feeling ever when not getting a reply back from someone you really want to talk to. Farhan, just because I let you go that doesn't mean I wanted to. I do it because of respecting your decision and I don't want you to hate me if I keep pushing you to stay. I really want to talk to you but I think I am disturbing you since I am nobody to you now. Can you imagine how hurt I feel when I think I'm not someone special to you anymore?  I don't have any power to make you stay with me but if I do, I'll make sure we'll be together until forever.

I keep blaming myself for you leaving me. I never once stop thinking of what is actually my fault. There must be some strong reasons for you leaving, not just because of you yourself. It's so sad how you were such a big part of me and now you are just gone. I am still the one who never gets tired to love you even though you gave me a thousand reasons not to do so. My Dearest Farhan, I'm just an ordinary human being, nothing extra in me. I've always wanted to give the best for our relationship. I put so much effort to be good and better in everything but the moment you decided to left me, that is when I know I failed. You make me think harder or best I can say that you make me become super extra overthinking since you left. Am I not good enough for you? or am I such a boring person to be with? I really want to know, hmm. 

I can't read what is in your heart if you don't tell me. I always in need reassurance from you when we were still together.  I need you to be transparent with me in everything so that we can avoid any misunderstanding. Being transparent to each other doesn't mean that I don't trust you. Seriously, I've told you so many many times that "assumption always kill a person".  You may directly ask me anything you like, even a small tiny tiny thing, I don't mind to answer your question at all. But yeah, nothing much I can do now since we both no longer being together hm.

To my forever favourite person, you have stole my heart since the very first time we know each other back in December 2012 and up until now my heart still belongs to you. Please stop thinking that I do this just for the sake of "nak jaga hati you". NO! I don't do this to jaga hati you, I do this because of myself. I'm genuinely in love with you. You can called me crazy, I don't care. I never fake my love towards you. I really hope you can see how pure my love is to you. I've always wanted to be the person who can make you happy and be happy with you and I'll always wait for you. Goodnight, Love of My Life.

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Nota Dari Hati #Part3

Nota Dari Hati #Part3

Posted by Adibah Latif on September 21, 2019 in

Assalamualaikum.

5 tahun menyepi dari dunia blogging tapi malam ni tergerak hati untuk menulis dan publish entry lagi. Ya, it may sound old school to still use this platform nowadays but heyy! who cares. I purposely write for my own self. Lima tahun berlalu, saya masih orang yang sama. Orang biasa :) Pilih untuk menulis saat lidah tak mampu berbicara dan hati tak terdaya menanggung rasa ini (actually kerap ja create post tapi semua endup biar dlm draft tak publish haha). 

Malam ini, sekali lagi rasa itu datang membawa seribu satu tanda tanya. Enam tahun lepas, saya ditinggalkan oleh kekasih hati yang amat saya sayangi. Tahun ini diberi peluang untuk bertemu kembali, gembira tak terkata. Hubungan yang terputus dahulu kini terjalin semula. Bertekad untuk berikan yang terbaik agar hubungan ini sentiasa berseri. Namun, apalah dayaku untuk menolak suratan takdir yang telah tertulis. Si dia pergi lagi membawa diri untuk kali kedua.

Sakit, sepertinya luka lama berdarah semula tapi kali ini lebih perit. Ditinggalkan dan dititipkan pesan agar menerima yang lebih baik darinya sekiranya ada. Terkelu lidahku, tak terkata apa. Menangis hati ini untuk kesekian kalinyaa. Jika diturutkan kata hati, mahu saja merayu agar diberikan lagi peluang untuk terus bersama. Namun dalam logik akal saya ini, hubungan atas dasar paksaan tiada manisnya. Maka, dengan terketar dan berat hati saya menurutkan kemahuanya. 

Sebulan berlalu, saya masih mencari kekuatan agar tidak terus rebah. Setiap malam rindu itu datang tanpa jemu. Ada masanya senyuman terukir di bibir mengenangkan teletahnya sepanjang bersama saya dan ada masanya airmata menemani sehingga ke pagi. Saat perasaan ini mula tak terkawal, penemannya hanya rakaman suara yang pernah ada ketika masih berhubung. Di situ lah saya mendapatkan semula semangat untuk meneruskan langkah saya. 

Sejujurnya, saya masih berharap agar si dia kembali ke pangkuan saya. Tapi siapalah saya, hanya orang biasa yang tak punya kuasa.

Muhammad Farhan bin Zolkarnain,

Saya tak sempurna. Masih banyak kelemahan saya yang perlu saya baiki. Saya sedar, ada kalanya tindakan serta tutur kata saya mengguriskan hati awak. Maafkan saya :( Biarpun awak dah jelaskan pada saya tentang sebab mengapa awak pergi kali ini, namun dalam fikiran saya masih terlalu sarat dengan soalan yang belum terjawab. Alasan awak untuk pergi belum cukup kukuh untuk patahkan semangat saya dalam mencintai awak. Sejujurnya, saya masih percaya dan yakin awak akan kembali lagi suatu hari nanti dan oleh kerana itu, saya gunakan masa yang ada ini untuk mempersiapkan diri saya menyambut kepulangan awak. 

Saya doakan awak berjaya dunia dan akhirat. Awak sedang menuju ke arah cita-cita yang awak impikan dari zaman persekolahan. Tahniah, Fa! Jaga diri, banggakan keluarga awak. Enam bulan tu tak lama pun, Fa. Andai takdir tidak mempertemukan kita lagi selepas ini, saya harap suatu masa nanti, awak akan sedar bahawa cinta saya tak pernah dan tak akan berpaling tadah dari awak. Peganglah kata-kata saya kali ini, janji ini tak akan dimungkiri selagi awak tidak menikahi mana-mana perempuan.

Sayangku Muhammad Farhan, I will always be right here waiting for you! Selamat maju jaya dalam kerjaya baru kamu.

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