Dear Diary,

That moment when you burst out crying alone in your room and then you realize that no one truly knows how unhappy you are right now because you don't want anyone to know. Yes, I admit that I used to hide every inch of my personal matter from everybody nowadays includes my close friends. I showed part of it but when they started to ask me, I'll remain silent. I feel so suck about my life but I have no choice than to live it. I need someone to motivate me, someone who believes in my abilities in whatever I do, someone to share my non-stop weird thoughts, someone to hear my bullshit rants, someone to cheer me up and makes me happy just like before. How I wish that "Someone" I mean here is you, Farhan. 

My Love, I miss you so badly, I miss the time when I actually meant something to you, I miss the nights when we used to stay up and just talk about everything, I miss the way you treat me which nobody has ever beat that. You have set a high benchmark for soulmate criteria in my life. This is why I hardly to forget you. You don't know how bad it hurts when you ignore me. Yes, I for once did mention not to reply to me but in the other way round there is a big hope that you will respond to my text. It is the worst feeling ever when not getting a reply back from someone you really want to talk to. Farhan, just because I let you go that doesn't mean I wanted to. I do it because of respecting your decision and I don't want you to hate me if I keep pushing you to stay. I really want to talk to you but I think I am disturbing you since I am nobody to you now. Can you imagine how hurt I feel when I think I'm not someone special to you anymore?  I don't have any power to make you stay with me but if I do, I'll make sure we'll be together until forever.

I keep blaming myself for you leaving me. I never once stop thinking of what is actually my fault. There must be some strong reasons for you leaving, not just because of you yourself. It's so sad how you were such a big part of me and now you are just gone. I am still the one who never gets tired to love you even though you gave me a thousand reasons not to do so. My Dearest Farhan, I'm just an ordinary human being, nothing extra in me. I've always wanted to give the best for our relationship. I put so much effort to be good and better in everything but the moment you decided to left me, that is when I know I failed. You make me think harder or best I can say that you make me become super extra overthinking since you left. Am I not good enough for you? or am I such a boring person to be with? I really want to know, hmm. 

I can't read what is in your heart if you don't tell me. I always in need reassurance from you when we were still together.  I need you to be transparent with me in everything so that we can avoid any misunderstanding. Being transparent to each other doesn't mean that I don't trust you. Seriously, I've told you so many many times that "assumption always kill a person".  You may directly ask me anything you like, even a small tiny tiny thing, I don't mind to answer your question at all. But yeah, nothing much I can do now since we both no longer being together hm.

To my forever favourite person, you have stole my heart since the very first time we know each other back in December 2012 and up until now my heart still belongs to you. Please stop thinking that I do this just for the sake of "nak jaga hati you". NO! I don't do this to jaga hati you, I do this because of myself. I'm genuinely in love with you. You can called me crazy, I don't care. I never fake my love towards you. I really hope you can see how pure my love is to you. I've always wanted to be the person who can make you happy and be happy with you and I'll always wait for you. Goodnight, Love of My Life.
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