The Girl You Only Learn to Appreciate When She's Already Gone by Kirsten Corley
She wrote exactly to my unspoken thought which is so relatable to my current situation. And I thought of reposting hers.
She's the type of girl you won't get too excited about because you're never wondering about how she feels. She's the one who answers quickly. Initiate plans and always tries too hard.
At first, you're going to realize she is different from others that she deserves to be treated with the same respect you haven't even earned yet but she gives it away to you for free. You're going to treat her well and in return, she's going to treat you better and just continue to give it to you like it looks easy. Because to her, it is. She naturally thinks about others before herself and it's admirable.
Then suddenly this quality you admire and respect you'll take for granted. The calls you used to answer, the texts you'd respond to quickly suddenly there's a shift in you. You figured out that yes she's different to others but she's easy to read. You know what move she's going to make and what she's going to say even before she says it.
She's nice. She cares. She's isn't afraid to show it.
And then suddenly you become like the rest of them. Even though you swore you would never treat her as badly as others, you still break it. You realize no matter how you treat her, she doesn't react to it. She just keeps being exactly who she is and that's a different type of challenge for you because part of you want to test her and get to her. So you try to and now you're playing games and messing with her head and being a complete asshole because you want to see how much you can push her until she breaks.
She's not naive and she's not stupid. She knows exactly what you're doing and even though she loves you, even these type of girls get to the point where they get tired of trying so hard. She'll fade from your life a little slowly. Then, when you do think about her, you realize you haven't spoken in a while but when you reach out she still answers again quickly. There's a shift there.
Suddenly she's not caring to keep the conversation going. She suddenly stops trying, stops investing emotions and effort into you. She stops going out of her way because even girls like this realize some people aren't worth it.
Then, this girl who you spoke to every day slowly becomes stranger. The conversation is cordial but awkward. She's gone but in haunting close kind of way.
You'll see them together and you'll see how happy he makes her and you'll remember when that used to be you who had every bit of her time, attention and heart. She smiles bigger. She'll laugh harder. She'll hold his hand a little more tightly when you're around because the truth is she loved you, cared for you and did everything she supposed to and it still wasn't enough.
Then you start to miss her.
- You'll look back and realized you didn't appreciate her or value her the way she deserved because despite being shown the bad sides of you, you realize she always saw the good in you.
- You'll look back to every lie and excuse you ever told and you realize how understanding and tolerant she was for you before.
- You'll look back and realize she probably deserved so many sorry's but she never even asked for it or cared.
- You'll look back at everything she ever did for you and you realize you didn't even invest half that effort into her.
- You'll look back at how many times you said no but when you asked her to be somewhere or do something, she always said yes and was there.
- You'll look back and realize you weren't kind to her and she never gave you a taste of your own medicine.
- You'll look back and realize she really did love you unconditionally and support you in everything you did.
- You'll look back and realize what you put her through yet she still came out wearing her heart on her sleeve loving really hard when you gave her every reason not to.
- You'll look back and realize as she tried to prove she deserved you, she's the one that deserves better. And even if it takes a while to get over you because it will, she will love again. And it's going to be a person who realizes what they have when they have it. Not someone who has to lose her to realize her worth.
You'll find yourself in moments overcome with jealousy you don't even have the right to feel because it could have been you. It should have been you but she couldn't keep waiting for you to realize what she knew all along. She'll move on because she had to and she'll become happy because she deserves to. And she'll fall in love because finally, that love she gave to you carelessly finally came back to her.
